


saudade

by axiciaaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Car Accidents, Comforting, Getting Together, Lots of crying lol, M/M, Phone Calls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-11-16 02:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11244546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axiciaaa/pseuds/axiciaaa
Summary: Tsukishima was never one for crying. Everyone knew that. Until Kuroo Tetsurou happened....Or: The six times Tsukishima Kei cried, and Kuroo Tetsurou stood witness to all of them.





	1. calls and caliber

**Author's Note:**

> heyooo it's me again. i thought i would give a shot at multi-chaptered (is that a word?) fics just for a breather, and what better way to satisfy my sweet tooth for angst and sadness (and of course eventual smut/fluff) than to feature the notorious scheming captain and tsukki the lovable demon. this'll be six-chapter story and i'll update as soon as i can. 
> 
> hope you enjoy it!! will update as fast as i can while the writer's block still hasnt locked me up mwehe

Tsukishima was never one for crying. Everyone knew that. Not even his brother, Akiteru, has seen him cry ever since he entered elementary school. The blond had never shed a tear when their family dog had died due to age, never wept when his brother had watched Marley and Me on one of their movie nights, the older commenting that his sibling was a heartless boy who was never sentimental or emotional over anything. Tsukishima smirked at the remark, deeming it as something that would lift his self-esteem.

The middle blocker took pride in this. It was quite childish to be proud of a talent that half-meant you were a cruel, tepid person whose first impression of emotional people are, what’s the word, _weak,_ but that was Tsukishima – the blond, tall volleyball player with a perpetual stoic face and monotonous voice where insults and retorts spilt from.

Tsukishima was never one for crying. Everyone knew that. Until Kuroo Tetsurou happened.

* * *

 The sky had already turned dark and the breeze frigid by the time the Karasuno bus had reached their school. It was the ride back from their win against Shiratorizawa. The players were awfully tired but ecstatic by the eventful day and their growing success in their competitions, they had beaten a powerhouse school, after all. The freak duo was still up and about, running around and earning warning glances from Daichi.

The blond’s only desire was to head home, shimmy out of his uniform, hop into a shower and go to bed. Those tasks proved difficult when you have an injured finger that made your hand, screw that, _whole body_ throb in pain. Walking home was a nuisance. His best friend must have noticed the blond’s suppression, he had kept quiet thoughout their journey to return to their respective homes.

When they had arrived at corner of their partition, Yamaguchi had waved goodbye to the middle blocker. Before leaving completely, Yamaguchi turned his heel and faced Tsukishima from a distance.

“Hey, Tsukki. You were really cool today.” It took a few seconds before Tsukishima opened his mouth to say something, though before he could speak, Yamaguchi had turned back around and jogged to his direction, leaving the blond standing.

_It was just one block._

Thoughts rummaged around Tsukishima’s head. _It was just one block._ It was a repetitive line on his head. _It was just one block, they could’ve gotten the point._ His walking pace got faster, doing his best to dodge whatever obstacle was on his way. _They could’ve won this._

His phone rang and pushed him out of his thoughts. He then realized that his hands were clammy with sweat, anxiety still present in his spine. He used his non-dominant hand to reach for his cellphone which was at the pocket opposite the position where his hand was placed. He could’ve used his right hand if it weren’t for the damaged and immobilized fingers. It still hurts like hell, though.

The caller ID displayed an unfamiliar string of numbers that made Tsukishima furrow his brow. A wrong number, perhaps? He decided to wait on the call and let it end. When it did, another call came from the same number, earning an annoyed noise that came from the blond’s mouth. He pressed on the green button and answering the call.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Tsukki! It’s Kuroo, your beloved senpai. It’s only the second call and you already answered.” A voice wavered from the other line. A voice that the blond recognized in an instant, and he would be lying if it didn’t make his chest tight when he heard it.

_Kuroo Tetsurou._

“I’m sorry, should I hang up then?” A playful tone was obvious in Tsukishima’s voice. The other line’s reply only came as a light chuckle.

“No, no. Sorry. Anyway, your game was aired live. How are you?” His voice was edgy with concern, and Tsukishima can’t help but snort.

“I refuse to answer your question.” The blond had started sauntering towards another aisle.

“Oh? Then what question are you willing to answer?”

_Why the hell are we having this conversation?_

“Where did you get my number?”

“Uh,” There was a shuffling sound emitting. Then a pause. “I’m sure you don’t want to know.”

“I’m hanging up, then.”

“Wait, no!” The other pleaded. Tsukishima gagged on a chuckle. “I mean, I don’t want you to lunge yourself at the person who gave me your number. Just being veeeery thoughtful, y’know?”

“Then I refuse to answer any of your questions, more importantly, hold this conversation any long-“

“It was Daichi!”

“…Daichi-san?” Tsukishima adruptly stopped in his tracks _. Daichi-san gave him my number? Of all people?_ He at least expected it shrimpy or the uninterested pudding-head was the one who gave it away.

Maybe he begged for it.

“So, can we talk now?”

“We already are.”

Kuroo chuckled on the other line. “Yeah, okay, back to my first question. How are you?”

The blond continued walking, making sure he talked in a quiet voice. The silent atmosphere of the lulled neighborhood seemed to filter his voice, making it louder than what Tsukishima had assumed. “Fine. I suppose you finished the match today. Our team was shaky at first but we got to-“

“Tsukki.”

“It’s Tsukishima, if you please.”

“No. Tsukki.” The bastard snickered. “I asked about you, silly, not the team.”

Tsukishima’s heart leapt unconsciously, it wasn’t supposed to do that. “What?”

A sigh escaped Kuroo’s lips. It was almost inaudible but the blond heard it ever so clearly. “You got subbed out in the middle of the game because you jabbed your fingers, right? Are you all right now? Though I doubt you are.”

“It was just a scratch.”

“Really? I don’t think that’s only a scratch when you showed such an awful face on camera.” His voice was sincere, at least. It wasn’t dripping with any kind of insult.

 _Fucking camera people. “_ Yes, I’m alright, thank you very much.”

“Though it was stupid for me to ask if you’re alright in the first place, I don’t think so. Tell me what happened to your hand.”

“And if I don’t.”

“I’ll give Bokuto your number. You’ll never hear the end of it.” Tsukishima could vividly see the smirk present on Kuroo’s face, an annoying, lopsided smirk that was even difficult to think about. Then there was Bokuta, loud and obnoxious Bokuto who looked like he’s part-owl. The blond suppressed an irritated groan.

“…Tore the ligament on my pinky and scraped the skin off my two other fingers.”

There was a beat of silence before he heard Kuroo take a deep breath. “Oh my god.” Yet another shuffling sound had come out of the other line. “Oh my god, Tsukki, _why did you still play_?”

Tsukishima cleared his throat as his body jerked itself and turned to a corner. “Too many questions.”

“Tsukishima, I’m serious here. You could’ve got your hand stitched!” So, the raven-haired called him properly by his last name. Instead of ignoring it, he was almost surprised at the sudden mention of his name.

“This is _my_ hand.”

Kuroo clicked his tongue. “And your hands are your weapon. I broke my ligament once and I had to skip volleyball for half a month!” He exclaimed, evident concern smearing his voice.

The blond didn’t notice that he had stopped walking moments ago. In the darkness of the night, he was two or three more blocks away from his house. Tsukishima had come to a halt under a dimly-lit street, the night breeze slapping lightly against his cheeks. His left hand still throbbed, though, but the pain was decreasing when he was thinking about something else. _Talking with someone else rather_.

“Look, I didn’t mean to snap but I was just worried.” Kuroo’s voice was serious, no strain of ridicule nor mocking present in his voice, Tsukishima had noticed. It was justa sincere Nekoma captain Kuroo. He had let another perturbed sigh.

“…Doesn’t that just make me weak?”

There was a beat, the static an eerie sound for the blond. “Pardon?”

“It makes me weak, doesn’t it?” Tsukishima sighed quietly, frost coming up as he exhaled into thin air. “Injuring my hand after one block. _One block_. It wasn’t even a kill, it was just a one-touch. They could’ve won that. If it wasn’t for my carelessness, I could have stayed longer in that game.”

“Tsukki…“ Kuroo could hear the strain in Tsukishima’s voice. It was low and muffled, and about to break. Kuroo breathed and made his voice steady. “You’re a growing man, Tsukki.”

“And?”

“And I’m not finished. Hear me out.” The other line went completely silent. “You… You have a lot to learn. But you have the talent, Tsukki. You may not look like it, but I’m assuming you finally found the reason you play. The thing Bokuto was mentioning? I’m positive you atleast had gotten the gist of it. If you didn’t, you would’ve just stayed at the infirmary.”

“…I came back just because.”

“No. You didn’t Tsukki. You came back because you were having fun, and you wanna kick that giant’s ass. Tsukki, god, I could tell you all night how amazing you were out there. Not everyone could touch Ushijima’s spikes, let alone actually stop it. But you were there.”

“Why are you telling me this? A way to make me feel better?”

“Not just that.” Kuroo’s voice was firm. “I’m telling you this because I want you to acknowledge how goddamn good you are. And partly because I’m also worried about your hand.”

“It doesn’t need stitching. I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow.’

“That’s good, perfect.” Kuroo’s voice had diminished in stiffness. “Hey, Tsukki. You’re brilliant, okay? You should have more confidence.”

Tsukishima had become silent again. His hand was shaking against the touch of his phone, chest tightening as he stood there, completely motionless and still. A know had formed in his ribs, making his breathing ragged, muffled creaks coming out of the blond’s mouth. Kuroo must have noticed when he started whispering hushes into Tsukishima’s ear.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’ll realize it sooner or later. You’re amazing, Tsukki. Excellent, talented, absolutely stunning….” His voice was filtered out by the light sobs from Tsukishima. They were sad and fainted snivels against Kuroo’s ear, and the black-haired man did his best to comfort the blond. Tsukishima’s chest only tightened as the other line kept consoling him, wondering if he deserved these words from a much more talented and experienced blocker. Teardrops slid across the blond’s delicate cheeks, his long eyelashes drenched in warm tears.

When Tsukishima’s soft cries had calmed down, Kuroo took the opportunity to give him more solace. “I’m not sugar-coating my words, if you’re wondering. What I’m saying is 100% the truth, okay?”

Tsukishima didn’t reply. He was trying to even out his breathing and doing his best to ignore the fact that he cried. _He cried. On Kuroo. Over a stupid hand injury_. The Nekoma captain thought otherwise.

“You still there?” His voice was low, enough to push the blond out of his thoughts, a blush ghosting over his pale features.

“Ye-yeah,” he stuttered and cleared his throat. “Do forget what just happened.”

“Eh?~ But a cute Tsukki had just presented himself for me!” Tsukishima regretted he didn’t drop this call before it started. He could hear the mischievous laugh come out from the captain’s lips. His mouth was probably curved into those annoying grins. “Kidding aside, I’m not taking back what I said. About you being a smartass blocker and all.”

“Thank you.” Tsukishima deadpanned, a slight mellowness in his voice was present. “I’ve gotta head home now.”

“Oh shit, you aren’t home yet? You should’ve told me!”

“It’s fairly too late for that, isn’t it?” The usual sarcasm was present in Tsukishima’s voice, and it made Kuroo smile dulcetly.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. Talk to you later.” The atmosphere was still uneasy, but the captain was glad that Tsukishima was able to recover. “And Tsukki?”

“It’s Tsukishima. What is it?”

Kuroo chortled. “Congratulations on your win.”

A short stillness commenced before Tsukishima had spoken up again. “Thank you, Kuroo-san.” With that, they ended the call. Some bits of Tsukishima’s anxieties have eased up, thanks to a certain captain with a permanent bed-head and menacing grin. But tonight, that scheming and roguish figure had turned into a warm, gentle person who was actually good in comforting. Tsukishima sighed, he was still embarrassed by crying. He was not one for crying, after all.

But Kuroo Tetsurou was there and with him, unexplainable things happen.

 

* * *

  **[10:03pm]**

 **You:** pls forget what happened. that was very unprofessional of me.

**[10:03pm]**

**Kuroo Tetsurou** : pfftt unprofessional, u say. i though it was endearing.

**[10:03pm]**

**You:** keep your mouth shut, please. thank you and good night.

**[10:04pm]**

**Kuroo Tetsurou:** good night tsukki!!!!! don't forget to have your hand checked

 

The blond stared up at the ceiling after he had set down his phone. His hand still hurt a lot, but it was easing up as long as he’s busy with other thoughts.

“Have confidence, huh.” He whispered to himself, remembering the hushed, comforting words he heard just moments ago. Crimson red had invaded the blond’s pale cheeks. It was totally embarrassing, yes, but as much as the blond hated to admit it, it was refreshing.

When his thoughts have subsided, the middle blocker had drifted off to a dreamless sleep.


	2. and the horror, and the terror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was an odd look for the ex-captain – serene and peaceful, except he was fighting for his life here.
> 
> “You are so stupid.” Tsukishima had snapped at the sleeping man, hands in his head to cover his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo im backkkkk  
> IMPORTANT NOTE: i changed my username from shsl-bitchi-chan to axiciaaa so people wont be confused nyehehe  
> it's three days to school so i might be updating a lot slower, but i promise i will finish this one!!! i have lots of ideas right now (not to mention drafts) and i just need to get to writing but for the meantime, here's chapter two

Hours had turned into days, days had gone into weeks, weeks had bled into months and before they knew it, the once-first years have accelerated into their second. Not much differences have intervened the daily lives of the Karasuno players – they knew more people, both inside and outside the campus. Along with meeting new people, some people have also strayed from their grasps.

Their upperclassmen had gone into a new world, a much more complicated and eventful phase of their lives. They were proud of them, of course, their ex-captain had been accepted into a powerhouse school, credited for his solid receives and could make him a possible regular in the near future. Sugawara went into a well-received school and pursued an education in Botany, a choice he discussed briefly to the team.

“I’d still play volleyball, though.” The silver-haired beauty had said. He received a thumbs-up from the team, and a proud, crying face from Noya and Tanaka that sent flutters down Sugawara’s heart.

Asahi, as he had said, did not enter college and instead went under apprenticeship under his father in hopes of inheriting their family business. He made his desires clear since he was attending business classes every now and then.

All was well, actually. Ennoshita was announced as captain with Tanaka as his vice, it was a predicted arrangement and everyone was satisfied with it. First years came in like a flock, each eager to win a place in the regular’s team. Nobody stood out that much like the freak duo, or the blond’s astronomical height, but they were determined, and that’s what they needed – an adamant player who can focus on a game. They could polish the skills into a commendable level - especially under Ennoshita’s strict command.

Being senpais was an exhausting task. It required an ample time of trying to balance social life with personal practice. The jumpy redhead liked the duty, though – to help encourage the first years in their own stances. Even the antisocial Kageyama was doing his best to keep up, constantly teaching the new members different kinds of spikes and positions. The freckled pinch server was also caught up in it.

This leaves the blond, who still had difficulty in mingling with people.

It’s not like he _hates_ them. It’s just- _it’s a matter of habit_ – scowling subconsciously at the new members and remembering _oh shit, this isn’t the freak duo I’m talking to,_ and apologizing to excuse himself as blood crept unto his face with embarrassment.

Sometimes, the first years would timidly try to approach him to ask for help in blocking, but the permanent glare on his face would make the new members think twice and ask Hinata instead. One time, Tsukishima made the initiative to approach them but was stopped abruptly when he saw the first-years flinch.

It was convenient at first. Letting the upperclassmen know that he isn’t one for communicating too much with new faces. It meant less work, and less energy spent in their practices. However, when time passed, it became the source of his frustration. The blond felt like there was this thin line separating his pride from his reputation. In mere months, eyes would travel down to him wherever he walked on court. First years deduced he was an untouchable, middle blocker who had the height and smarts for the position.

_Hmf, you haven’t seen nothing yet._

True, the middle blocker’s skills were polished greatly in a span of a year and a half, especially after their lost in the nationals against a school they did not recognize. It was definitely a herculean battle – the rallies were taking forever, deuces making their brain short-circuit and legs tempting to give out. In the end, they had lost to their opponent in a final set score of 33-34.

They moved on rather quickly. There was always room for improvement.

_Anyway,_

After an exhausting day of summer practice, Ennoshita was quick to volunteer a treat to their local meat bun haven, Ukai’s shop. It was one of those few days when the team wasn’t too noisy or rowdy, not enough to piss of their captain, at least. It was hot outside, but the weak wind was enough to cool of the player’s heads.

Chattering was heard outside the shop, not loud enough to make their coach scold them, but it was full of laughter and thoughts about Tanaka’s odd habit of taking his shirt off whenever he managed a service ace, Narita commenting that the newly-named ace was stupid and scaring of the new members.

Everyone seemed to agree, except for the ace himself and his best friend, Noya. It was like a running gag, something that would leaven up the moods of the players whenever the tension in the court rose superbly.

Their little chit-chat, however, was interrupted by Hinata’s cellphone ringing, chiming an _annoying_ ringtone that everyone recognized as a summer sensation by an Idol group. Glares from Kageyama and Tsukishima were shot at the redhead, making him flinch as he swiftly presses on the green button.

“Hello?” Hinata’s voice was rather loud, considering it was a phone call. They could have ignored the decoy in his little affair if it wasn’t for him shooting a concerned look at Tsukishima, which the rest of the team noticed. “Tsukishima? Why would you….” The redhead trailed off, averting his gaze from the blond and staring into another direction, holding his phone closer to his ear, muffling his voice so the other couldn’t hear.

“What about me?” The blond had asked, stepping forward a little to make his appearance known. The team was quiet, even after Ennoshita had exited the store and asked what was going on.

“Okay…” Hinata muttered to himself and glanced at the blond and held out his phone. “Kenma wants to talk to you.”

Tsukishima raised his eyebrow in confusion – _Kenma?_ He knew too well that Kenma wasn’t much of a talker, let alone to someone who was just a mutual friend. Regardless, he grabbed the phone and put it next to his ear, a quiet silence over the other line greeting him.

“Tsukishima speaking.” The blond’s voice was low, enough to elevate the growing tensions within the team. “What do you need?”’

Kenma talked to the blond, his voice was low and lazy, but it had a trickle of concern in it, explaining something that strained the blond’s ears. In a matter of seconds, Tsukishima’s eyes widened in shock. The Nekoma setter kept talking, but it was all muffled and unheard by Tsukishima’s ears, a shaken look present in his face. Hinata was the first one to break the blond out of his trance.

“Tsukishima!” The blond had realized that the redhead’s face was already inches apart from his own. “Earth to Tsukishima, are you there?” When Tsukishima met Hinata’s unknowing gaze, the redhead had stepped back, his eyes seemingly worried.

Ennoshita suddenly spoke up with a worried tone. “Tsukishima, are you all right?”

“…What?” The blond managed, the other line already static. He was still shocked over the conversation with the Nekoma setter, his whole body throbbed with confusion.

“You’re pale, Tsukishima.” Ennoshita passed through the first years who were all staring at the scene unfolding before them, the atmosphere heavy with tension. “Is everything all right?” The captain’s voice was laced with unfeigned concern, making Tsukishima shiver. When Tsukishima finally registered the news that Kenma broke, he looked at their captain with dark eyes, a frigid gaze unwavering.

“Captain,” he started, voice shaky which took the team by surprise. Some of the Karasuno players already saw a pained expression during their game against Shiratorizawa. It was an expression they could never forget – A face full of pain and want at the same time. Right now, the members had seen a new side to the blond, worry and concern etched at every corner of the middle blocker’s face. “May I take the day off tomorrow?”

A pause. _A pause that felt like forever._ The captain spoke up, his voice soft. “Sure… but why?” Ennoshita could always reject his desire to skip practice, especially when another practice match was fast approaching. But the face Tsukishima was making right now was beyond words – scared and agitated.

“It’s fine… Just an emergency.” Hinata was about to say something when Kageyama pulled his shoulder, making the redhead shut up. The team wanted to inquire more, wanted to delve further into the sudden conversation between the setter and middle blocker. But it was no one’s business but the blond’s.

The captain had agreed, and small talk was made, hoping the topic was something other than the brief phone call from Kenma. In no time, the team had parted ways. Tsukishima, was as always, sauntering quietly while Yamaguchi was walking shortly behind, talking about how Yachi was learning slowly how to do an underhand serve. Tsukishima would only glance at his freckled friend, and give him a weak nod that made the pinch server trail off quietly.

Yamaguchi tried to talk it out with his friend, but the blond would only give him a frown, albeit always receiving a scowl from the middle blocker. It was an unusual look, a face so sad and the pinch server could only so much as talking.

“It’ll be alright, whatever you’re going through.” Yamaguchi’s face was soft and mellow. It was one of those days, Tsukishima thought, when his best friend’s comfort was more than enough to atleast lift his spirits.

“Thank you, Yamaguchi.” A small, grateful smile had crept unto the middle blocker’s mouth. It was barely a smile, just a little tug at the corner of his lips. But the pinch server had found it endearing.

They had parted ways. Tsukishima was still feeling heavy, as if something hefty had been put upon his shoulders. _I’m not supposed to feel like this._ He laid on his bed, the recesses of the phone call still recurring at the back of his head. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, not bothering to change into more comfortable clothes and settling for his sweaty uniform.

He checked timetables between Miyagi and Tokyo, looking at train schedules and in-betweens. He looked at each meticulously, studied them religiously as he eyed the tme differences between arrival and departure. He sighed when he was finished, he couldn’t be thinking of suddenly barging into Tokyo after that phone call, right?

He would be the first one to deny it, but he wanted to come to Tokyo. _So. Damn. Much._

He recalled the phone call, clear as day.

_“Tsukishima speaking. What do you need?”_

_“Hey, it’s Kenma from Nekoma. You’re close friends with Kuroo, right?”_

_“Kuroo-san? Not exactly, but what about him?”_

_“Yeah, you see. He got into a car accident two hours ago.”_

_“…What?”_

_“He’s… alive but pretty beat up.”_

_“…”_

_“He talks about you a lot so I thought I should let you know. He’s in the Tokyo General Hospital, Room 137 at the left wing. He’s still unconscious.”_

_“Wha… how…”_

_“If you want to visit, go ahead. I think it will make him happy if he wakes up.”_

_“...Okay.”_

He closed his eyes and tried his best not to remember. He shouldn’t be even wallowing in it. It’s not like he’s that close to Kuroo, anyway. Their only communication was the back and forth nightly conversations of what-not, of volleyball, and other mundane things that Kuroo made it impossibly untrivial anymore.

But before he knew it, he was asking permission from his parents to visit Tokyo, just this weekend. Reluctance present in their faces, his parents had agreed. They had to. The look on their son’s face wasn’t a usual one, it was odd – and sad.

He was in Tokyo the following morning, already stretching through the piles of people storming in the crowds. His feet carried him swiftly, as if dodging every obstacle on impulse. He was behind the door of Kuroo’s hospital room when he suddenly felt the urge to vomit. He had been moving non-stop, thoughts moving as fast as his feet could take him, and here he was.

He entered the room, it was rather big. And Kuroo’s parents were there, a woman who had long auburn hair and a man with dark hair that lazily sticks up on his head. They exchanged greetings, had told Tsukishima what happened to the poor, broken lad lying in his bed with eyes closed. No headlights, a tipsy driver and it was late into the night, of course. Luckily, the car was moving in an average speed and Kuroo not hitting headfirst, but the impact had been the same – an unconscious and scratched Kuroo, bruises all over.

He was left alone with Kuroo after he abruptly met with his parents. Mr and Mrs Kuroo had to step out for a while and discuss things with the doctor. Tsukishima took the opportunity and propped himself on a chair beside the bedridden ex-captain.

The blond sighed, tired and pained. He hates looking at Kuroo’s face all asleep and not feeling anything. There was no usual grin and _heaven forbid_ , those hazy eyes that would always rile up anyone It was an odd look for the ex-captain – serene and peaceful, except he was fighting for his life here.

“You are so stupid.” Tsukishima had snapped at the sleeping man, hands in his head to cover his face. “How the fuck did you, a man who has is always on his feet, over 190cm tall and observant, get hit by a fucking minivan.”

Of course, there was no answer.

He sighed to himself again, this time more heavily. It was a matter of minutes before his parents would come up again. He wanted to shake the man awake, wanted to talk about their late-night conversations and phone calls, wanted just to snap at him and say “this is not how I wanted us to meet again.”

Behind his eyes, a wet substance had finally grieved upon him. He was in dread, _their last conversation was about a cat’s physiology and the blond didn’t want that to be the last._ His eyes welled up, letting his tears fall slowly, covering his face with his hands, trying to make his tears stop as his clammy hands scratched at his eyes.

“Oh my god, fuck you Kuroo for doing this to me.” The blond said in a whisper, eyes still watering over the man. “I had to skip practice today because of your stupid affair.” His crying intensified as hiccups took over his frame. He had to remove his glasses to prevent them from fogging up. He placed them inside his jacket’s pockets and continued to wipe his tears away. He was undeniably _sad_ , sad for Kuroo. He was terrified for the man, what if he never wakes up anymore? _Oh god, oh god, oh god._ “You are so…. Stupid.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to a guy who just got hit by a car” An all-too-familiar voice had said, and Tsukishima had to snap his eyes up to see the black-haired bastard waking up from his beauty sleep. His face flinched at the feel of his bruises, it was littered against his right cheek and a cast was supporting his right shoulder.

_Oh my god, Kuroo did not just wake up when he was crying._

“You’re…!” The blond had managed, his body still trembling by his sudden attack. A gush of embarrassment had drawn over the blond as he realized that his eyes were still red, cheeks flushed, and he was displayed profusely to Kuroo. “Oh my god.”

“Hey.” A small smile had tugged on the ex-captain’s lips, it was sincere and mellow.

It took a moment before Tsukishima had replied, his usual witty remarks were swallowed by his shock. “Hi.” A hand had fallen over Tsukishima’s exposed hand. It was Kuroo’s, his hand was still cold and dry. But it held some kind of warmth that made Tsukishima’s heart flutter, red ghosting over his cheeks.

“Who would’ve guessed,” a smirk had replaced Kuroo’s genuine smile. “that me almost-dying would bring Tsukki to Tokyo and _cry for me_.”

Tsukishima recoiled his hand and stood up, his cheeks still glowing with a shade of red.

"What kind of things do I make you feel, Tsukki?"

“Fuck you. I’m calling your parents.” He heard Kuroo chuckle, and his laugh, _him being awake_ , soothed his nerved, a prickled feeling inside of him replaced by some sort… relief. He turned around and walked towards the door.

“Do that, baby.”

Tsukishima had to turn around, eyes wide and the crimson invading his already-red cheeks. The blond met Kuroo’s menacing grin. He had to straighten up and look away, heading for the door again. “Shut up, and stay put…. And alive.”

A giggle escaped Kuroo’s mouth. “All right, poppet.”

“ _Shut up.”_

Before he could leave completely, Tsukishima was called by the ex-captain again. When he turned around, a smile was placed on the lips of the black-haired man. His eyes were happy, _thankful_ and it caught the blond off-guard.

“Thank you, Tsukki, for coming here.”

There was a beat of silence before Tsukishima had spoken up, readjusting his glasses. “You owe me.”

Another light laugh had followed, it was soft and gentle, _and alive,_ and relief had washed over on both the blond and the ex-captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the terror and the horror, when we wonder why we bother, ooh oh i love lorde so much i just need to name it after sober ii 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/axiciaaa/------ pls talk to me it gets lonely at 3am nyAHAHA


	3. you took my soul, wiped it clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alas, the blush had crept to his face. “Shut up, do not call me cute.”
> 
> Kuroo poked a finger to his delicate face. “Cute. Just Adorable”
> 
> “Stop it!” Kei snapped, shoving the raven’s hand out of his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM ALIVE AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GIVING THIS FIC UP
> 
> hello! i am sorry for the PROLONGEEEEED delay. you see, i am a sporadic writer..... so yeah... but i promise I FRICKIN PROMISE I WILL NOT DROP THIS

It’s been exactly a month after Kuroo’s accident that made Tsukishima all frantic, skip practice, and cry in frustration, ~~like he’s ever going to admit the last part.~~ Since then, Kuroo and Tsukishima have been frequently texting each other. They have resolved to to talk more as to update if ever “you find yourself being hit by a minivan again.’ – Tsukishima deadpanned.

Bedridden, Kuroo barked his hyena laugh at the blond’s comment, still strained because of the misfortune the raven had somehow crashed into, but genuine atleast. Tsukishima would never admit it but it eased his worries knowing that Kuroo was recovering.

They texted back and forth and found time to ask how they were going. Kuroo would bombard Kei’s phone with cat emojis, much to the blond’s dismay. [He wouldn’t admit it but he found the cat emojis pretty cute.] Sometimes during lunch, Yamaguchi would give the blond a knowing look and flash him a wicked grin.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” The blond said as he adjusted his glasses, a failed attempt to hide his blush. The freckled-boy did not apologize.

So Kei was making new friends and that was supposed to be a good thing. If his mother heard about this, the woman would be elated knowing his son was finally reaching out to people outside his normal boundaries. But somehow, when the blond finally sets his phone aside at night after a series of texts and bidding the raven adieu for the night, butterflies would come up and swallow at him, making his chest hurt and heart beat faster. The blond remembers how the corner of Kuroo's mouth curl when he was satsified with someone, how he taps his fingers against his thigh when he listens to music. Kuroo loves drum solos, he noticed. Kei also noticed the way Kuroo looks at his mother, he must be close with her. Kuroo was attractive, anyone would agree- A perfectly-sculpted face with high cheekbones, sharp jawline to accentuate his long neck and tan skin.

Admittedly,  _He was pining for the raven._

The last time they had interacted physically was during Kuroo’s recovery from the accident. He tried his best to visit after Kenma broke the news to the blond, and during his visits, all that came out of Kuroo’s mouth made Kei’s hands tremble and cheeks tint pink.

_“Hey kitten.” Was the raven’s response when he first walked into his hospital room._

_“Of course not, poppet.” Kuroo said when Kei asked if he was going to be held back for another week._

_“So soon, baby doll?” He asked, his signature smirk present in his delicious lips as Kei was about to leave._

Kei hated it.

Okay maybe Kei didn’t really hate it, but he didn’t exactly like being called such endearments. It sent shivers up the blond’s spine, making his hands clammy whenever Kuroo meets the blond’s gaze with a glance, his head always up above in the clouds whenever the lectures in class gets too boring. One time, when the blond shared a joint class with Kageyama, the setter had to ask if the blond was running a fever.

“Hey Tsukishima, are you sure you don’t have a fever?”

“I told you for the third time, I. Do. Not.”

“Your ears are all red.”

“Shut up, king.” _I just remembered Kuroo calling me beautiful in one of his texts._

Although he would admit that the nicknames and the frequent compliments made Kei’s heart jump, it was just so scary thinking of the notion that Kuroo was just playfully flirting with him. Who was he to attract Kuroo in that way? He was _just a first-year, lanky student who was just tall and kind of smart._ Kei knew he was snarky and aloof, his comments often _burned,_ most people wouldn't approach him becasue of his intimidating aura. These thoughts rummaged around the blond’s head hours into the night. _Kei was terrified of getting his hopes up and watch them fall down once Kuroo got bored._

He sighed into his scarf as he stepped out of the train, the station buzzing with people like measly ants on the go. He was in Tokyo for the third time in two months, which was unusual knowing he has no businesses going on in the city, but Kuroo had invited him to hang out, and for the raven to thank Kei for visiting him as often as he could. Kei knew it was stupid of him to even come after having admitting to himself he was longing for the raven, but here he was.

Kei’s eyes searched the crowd for a noticeable disarray of ebony, only to spot him in a place much nearer to the exit. Kei was tall, so looking for his companion was quite easy. He tugged onto his scarf, making it neater and headed to where the mess of hair Kuroo was.

Kuroo greeted the blond with a sincere smile and eyes gleaming, it made Kei’s heart stop for a moment. He was thankful to his mother for making him wear a scarf, masking the faint blush that painted his cheeks.  

“Hey, pretty boy. Glad you’re here safe.” Kuroo gave a toothy smile _. Again with the nicknames._

“Hello, Kuroo-san. And I’m not pretty.” Kei deadpanned. Kuroo chuckled under his breath and motioned Kei to follow him.

They chatted for a while on how their week went. Kuroo was babbling about the last stretch of third year being exhausting and cautioning Kei to “ _prepare your 1x1 pictures ahead of time because every picture studio I visited was packed with third years.”_

Kei gave Kuroo a devilish grin and going on about being a procrastinator, earning a defensive excuse from the raven.

“It’s not like I’m irresponsible! I’m just trying to enjoy the last moments of high school before I get kicked and stumbled by college life.”

“Whatever you say, Kuroo-san.” Kei said as he walked side by side with Kuroo. The air was chilly and breathable. Dead leaves littered the outskirts of Tokyo and the trees had turned maple as Autumn took over the seasons. The sky was cloudy with feather-like wool stretching to every direction. The sun was still low, hours before noon, and it was just the right amount of cold and heat.

“I’m planning to attend a scholarship program in T University for Chemistry.”

“Chemistry, huh?” Kei looked at Kuroo, who was looking straight ahead. “You’re not going pro for volleyball?” They cross the street as the sign turned green.

“I love volleyball, but I also like Chemistry. Plus it seems more practical. If ever I don’t make it out alive in the Chemistry courses, I could always take up a sports scholarship.”

“Wow, I didn’t peg you for the smart type.”

“Tsukki is so mean!” Their tones were playful and meant no harm and Kei just found it so natural to talk to the raven. It felt like he could bring down his walls a little around the older. But the risk of getting rejected is just so great that he couldn’t lower it too much.

“You should go here to Tokyo for university, so you know, you could see my devilishly handsome face every day.”

“I second the devilish. With the handsome-I beg to differ.”

“Hey! After I called you pretty?” Kuroo put a hand to his chest to emphasize his so-called hurt, eyes still playful and a little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Kei furrowed his brow, avoiding eye contact. “I am not pretty.”

Kuroo stopped his at his tracks and waited for Kei to turn around slightly. “Yeah, not pretty.” Kei met his eye, a confused look present at the blond’s face. Then, Kuroo gave a smile that made butterflies swirl at Kei’s stomach. “You’re beautiful.”

The glimmer of the morning sun got caught against the tan of Kuroo’s skin, it made him shine beautifully under all cloudy skies. Kei froze as he looked at Kuroo, cheeks turning crimson, his pale skin making it more noticeable.

“You…. You are so embarrassing, Kuroo-san.” The blond tried to hide his warm face while adjusting his glasses. He turned his back against the raven and continued walking. He heard Kuroo chuckle behind him and the immediate sound of walking.

Kei was preventing himself but now, he was falling even harder.

* * *

Kuroo took the blond to a place where a few people went in the morning. The Hama Rikyu garden was the very definition of lovely. The landscape garden was home to different kinds of flowers, engulfing the place in an enticing aroma. Peonies and canola blossoms were scattered around the fresh green-grass of the garden where few people sauntered along the place. The Tokyo Bay was along the former Imperial gardens, aiding in the peaceful ambience of their stroll.

When Lunch time rolled around, they visited a quaint but large teahouse nearby the Hama Rikyu. Kei had ordered a rice bowl with a side of gyoza, Chamomile tea and his favorite desser: Strawberry Shortcake. Kuroo had settled for a bowl or ramen, macarons and a cup of coffee, two sugars and one cream.

Their chat over lunch was nothing out of the ordinary. By the end of their meal, Kuroo insisted on paying. Of course, Kei argued.

“We’re both broke students here, let me pay for what I consume.”

“Yeah, but you’ve already paid for your ticket to come here and I’m not entirely broke. I coach some kids in our local gym to get some extra income. And I recall telling you that this day is a thank you for visiting me while I was recovering. So let me pay.”

Kei had no more ammunition, he just slumped in his seat while Kuroo gave him a thumbs up. The raven paid and they left. Kuroo lead Kei throughout Tokyo, they went by parks, more gardens and squares. Small bakeries and cafés repeatedly tempted Kei into buying all the versions of strawberry shortcakes Tokyo has to offer. While the blonde had strayed his eyes from road to the displayed cakes, he didn’t notice Kuroo softly chuckling to himself.

When he did, he suppressed a blush and glared at the raven. “What are you laughing at?”

“You are so damn cute when you’re flustered.”

Alas, the blush had crept to his face. “Shut up, do not call me cute.”

Kuroo poked a finger to his delicate face. “Cute. Just Adorable”

“Stop it!” Kei snapped, shoving the raven’s hand out of his way. Kuroo held up his hands as if surrendering, still giggling at the blond’s reactions. Kei stomped of, leaving a laughing Kuroo behind him.

Kei was more flustered than angry. Kuroo was acting strange, he was extra flirty today, and it was sending Kei on the edge. He can still hear the bastard laughing behind him. He wanted to run away right now, go home and lock himself up in his bedroom until his embarrassment subsides.

They continue, though, walking through the streets of Tokyo until they finally decided to call it a day and retreated to Kuroo’s house for a rest. It’s not Kei’s first time in the Kuroo household, he has visited when Kuroo was recovering in his room, not the hospital room, but his own room. Despite being here already, Kei’s heart was still beating hard against his chest.

“Pardon the intrusion.”

Kuroo closed the door behind him and cackled. “Welcome to my humble abode, Tsukki.”

“I’ve been here, Kuroo-san. And don’t call me Tsukki.” Kei hangs his scarf on the coat hangers, Kuroo smirks at the blond.

“Then welcome back, Kei.”

At the mention of his first name, Kei turns pink. “No… just no.”

Suddenly, Kuroo lunges himself towards Kei, their frames merely centimeters apart and this catches Kei off guard. Kei has no time to react before Kuroo swiftly steals his glasses and departs into the house, the raven laughing his hyena laugh as he escapes Kei.

Okay, so basically Kei is blind as a bat without his glasses. Everything was a blur of whatever was in his way. He tried to make out of what he could see but alas, it was futile. He used his sense of touch to guide himself through the house. He could atleast remember the outline of Kuroo’s house, but not enough to actually know which corner to turn to or what door to enter. He could hear the faint laughter of the raven, echoing through the walls of the house. He assumes that they’re the only ones in the house.

“Kuroo-san! Where the hell are you?” The only response he got was an ear-wrecking laugh.

Kei used his right hand to feel the wall while he used the left to find his way through the house. It was quite dark, blood orange spilling through the half-lidded windows, occasionally hitting Kei’s face. Kei was confused, not only as he tried to distinguish which direction he was going to, but emotionally confused.

Kuroo’s flirtatious advances were over the top and it was driving the blond _crazy_. The unsettling feeling of actually hoping for reciprocated attraction was making the hairs in his skin stand. His chest was beating a little too fast, sweat trickling down his neck in nervousness. And now the damn man who caused this was teasing him blind.

“Kuroo-san, please.” Kei said above a whisper. He was getting desperate, he wanted to curl up and die. But he also wanted to kill Kuroo for toying with him. The laughing had disappeared completely, Kei assuming that Kuroo was deep within the house. The surroundings were slowly spinning, despite being blurry.

“Shit, Kuroo-san… I-I don’t….” Kei curled down into a crouching position, hands securely hugging himself in an attempt to comfort himself. His breathing was ragged and his eyes were watering against his own accord. “Fuck, stop it. Fuck.” He whispered to himself quietly repeatedly, tears threatening to fall. All his insecurities were settling itself upon himself once again. He was burdening himself once more with his flaws and it was frustrating the blond. Kei tried to steady his breathing, however he ended up fruitless.

_Snarky, cold, doesn’t know to socialize, pathet-_

“Tsukki?” A voice had snapped the blond out of his mantra, the way Kuroo said the damn nickname was almost soothing, but laced with concern. Kei felt strong, warm hands on his shaking shoulders, pulling him into a back hug. Kei inhaled Kuroo’s cologne as tears were continuously streaming down his face. “Oh my god Tsukki, I didn’t mean to tease you until you break down. Shit, oh my god, I’m sorry Tsukki. Please stop crying.”

Kei was still trembling against Kuroo’s touch, slowly but surely calming down; the shaking was settling into sniffles. Kei feels soft lips against his temples and reassuring words were whispered to his ears. Kuroo’s embrace tightened with each passing minute. “Baby, please stop crying. I’m sorry, babe, please just stop crying.”

“S-stop calling me that….” Kuroo heard the demand even through his tears. The raven would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt.

“I’m sorry just please… god, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Stop apologizing. Ju-just…. Stop leading me on.” A pregnant pause.

“Leading you on?” Kuroo’s arms went loose, but it was still warm against Kei.

“You… like that,” Kei tried to compose himself, cheeks damp with tears. “You keep calling me nicknames that are for lovers, Kuroo-san, you flirt with me as if you like me. Sto-stop acting like I’m worth your time, I’m not. Stop calling me beautiful or lovely or all that. I’m not like that, I don’t deserve those words.” Tears continued to stream down Kei’s face.

Kuroo sighed and tightened his hold. “You stop that.” The blond flinched at his words. “Stop convincing yourself that you’re not worth anyone’s time, Tsukki... no, _Kei_. Kei, stop telling yourself all these things. Have you seen yourself drenched in sunlight? You’re fucking gorgeous Kei. Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of gold I have seen, it literally shines when the sun hits it just right.  And it’s not only your pretty face or tall stature, you’re so smart, Kei. We always have intellectual conversations now and then, plus you’re woke to what’s happening around us today. You use your intelligence inside and outside of the court and that could turn anyone on. I don’t even know how to describe you without exploding, Kei. Please stop questioning your worth, because you’re worth every penny or minute I have.”

Kei was beyond speechless right now, his whole face was burning red.

“And I’m sorry if you thought I was leading you on. I just… I just don’t know how to convey my feelings properly and all I end up with is this endless teasing. I’m sorry if it gets too much. I just, I just want to see your adorable reactions. I swear it makes my heart jump.”

“But to put it bluntly, Kei, I like you. A lot. I like your small smiles. I like your remarks that make sense. I like the way you crunch up your nose when you’re annoyed. And when you giggle to yourself when you find something funny. I like the way your ears turn red when you’re flustered. I just, I just like you so much, Kei, that sometimes I want to melt.”

Kei’s tears have stopped and right now, hearing these confessions right next to his ear makes his heart flutter. And finally, finally, the agitated feeling in his guts were slowly disappearing, replaced only with warmth.

 “I-I like you too, Kuroo-san. I like you… a lot.” Kei turned his head slightly to meet Kuroo’s loving gaze, the raven used his hand to caress the blond’s cheek. Their lips were mere inches apart.

“May I kiss you, Kei?”

“Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rushed ending? maybe. there's more to go so please staaaay with meeee  
> talk to me on instagram: axiciaart  
> chapter title song: all i want - kodaline

**Author's Note:**

> y'all like it? comments/kudos/criticism would be much appreciated (and not to mention a driving force) pls do not hesitate to point out mistakes, all the works are unbeta'd and unedited bc i am trash who has no friends (meant to be as a joke but it could work) mind you that this is a six-chapter fic and i will be doing my best to update asap!
> 
> pls talk to me on instagram! i post ocassional fanarts there (it's completely an art account so u wont have to see my hideous personal life mwahaha) ig: axiciaaa


End file.
